"I'm spinning round the room in awe" ryan adams

Thursday, March 24, 2005

Freakout of the Month

Wow – you just missed the Freakout of the Month. I think…yeah, I am pretty sure my last major freakout was in February.

It all started when I came home and checked my bank account online since the PATH machine wouldn’t accept my debit card for a $24 transit card. I just figured it was because I have a weird bank in DE, not because my account was virtually empty.

Oh I was wrong. Since I have moved here, every month I have had to borrow money from my mom. This is mostly because I get paid on the 1st and 15th, and my rent is due the 1st of the month, and I mail my checks home since I don’t have a bank here, so pretty much the bank of mom deposits money into my account and she just gets the checks. So somewhere along the line, where I have needed advances for my rent, utilities, and car payment, $300 was miscalculated on my part and I totally bounced my credit card payment. Of course that’s the short story. So as I look at the insufficient funds fee in my account and the $17.02 glaring back at me, I freak out. I start hyperventilating and crying and pacing. I hadn’t spent frivolously here in a while, so I couldn’t even get mad at myself for doing anything stupid. When I travel, I travel cheap, and lord knows I haven’t bought anything for myself aside from a book or two. So many thoughts ran through my mind, the first being that I should just move back home, the second being that I should find somewhere cheaper to live. Thinking was exhausted so I just flopped on my bed, grabbed my pillow, and cried. Then I called my mom again.

I am talking to Jen and Maryellen about my freakout and situation. Maryellen went through the same thing, and Jen is still adjusting to Washington DC life. Jen and I keep finding ourselves facing the same obstacles, so it is great that we both have each other to help one another out. Jen shared the following on aim, and all made me smile. Yay for Jen. Freakout now over.

Jenabee**: we sure rock at this adult thing
Jenabee**: don’t get down little one, it'll pick up someday
Jenabee**: how many other people live in the biggest city in the world working in the music industry, not many
galileo358: hahaha yay thank you for letting me vent :-Jenabee**: i bet a lot of people in your shoes are stuck managing the band next door in iowa or something, and they’ll never get to advance, you’re prime for moving up

Smiles again.
And of course Ryan and I are texting back and forth. He’s on a dinner date and says he pretends it was me instead and that Delaware isn’t the same without me. He drove past my apartment. So we’re talking because the girl is boring and I have decided that her underwear matches and she picks her nose and he laughed out loud in front of her. We decided that we’re moving into a dirty apartment in the city and he’ll make his music and I’ll spend the nights painting and all will be well in the world.