"I'm spinning round the room in awe" ryan adams

Thursday, February 26, 2004

fifty two ounces of coffee in the past fifteen hours

Here I am sitting at my laptop dabbling on my essay looking at my bed and realizing I shouldn't.

And as I fiercely contemplate the angle of which I am approaching my topic, I am more aggressive towards what is at the back of my mind.

Most of my close friends know that I would rather have brutal honesty than being coddled. Hahah I think I was actually telling Jamie this the other day, I can't recall. Tell me the truth regardless on how badly it will hurt because covering it up will hurt more in the long run because I would have been deceived in addition to whatever the hurt may be that they are trying to hide. Trust me, I have been through it enough to know which I would rather have. I am strong enough to handle it.

But don't ever ever EVER try to read me. Don't assume. And the more someone tries to kiss my ass, the more I balk away. I don't like it when people do things for me, and I especially shy away from attention. Unless of course when I am drunk and me singing and dancing in front of everyone is perfectly ok.

And whats worse off is when someone tells your friends something that isn't entirely true, making you feel like a fifteen year old girl. Also creating something that was really nothing, and blaming it on anything else than the real issue. Seriously now, I haven't played this game in years. And the more time people spend playing games is the more I am not going to put myself in that position. I have enough real life drama to worry about than this. And people wonder why I am so icy.

Angst is done for right now. Alright, back to this essay so I can get the hell out of here.