"I'm spinning round the room in awe" ryan adams

Thursday, February 19, 2004

my heart is heavy

So in addition to my usual life in upheaval, I have not been around the people I usually hang around and its strange.

But when you discover that one close friend was convicted of something major a few years ago and an even closer friend is using (and I don't mean anything tame), your life gets a big shove into reality and perspective. We all have our bills to pay, our relationship woes, our constant struggles, but this is life and death.

I don't know how I feel...angry that I have known this person for years and that person is putting themselves in this situation that is totally unlike them? Hurt that this person and I have both witnessed people we know fall into this same trap and not make it out alive? Abandoned? Ignorant? When you see someone all the time you don't realize the subtle signs that are apparently tell tale.

We keep pummeling through this nightmare and I am wondering when we'll wake because I don't feel strong enough.