"I'm spinning round the room in awe" ryan adams

Tuesday, December 23, 2003

why us?

I don't know how detailed I can get, but I will share with you a little of what has been going on...

I feel like I have been violated, that the one thing in my life that has been stable and secure has been tarnished. I feel absolutely sick.

Rainbow was robbed sometime between the time I left it at night and the time I came in in the morning the next day. Whoever it was was smart about it and took way more than we can afford, and did it with barely a trace. It made me double check myself to see if we did everything right, if we locked all doors, etc. I was the last one to check the back door, but I remember that it was locked. It sucks that I have to doubt myself. The Rainbow family is so tight it's unbelievable. We've all been together for about 3 years and have gone through a lot of changes together. Our friendship transcends beyond the store. Breaking into our store is more like breaking into our home, and I guess more so for me.

The part that disgusts me the most, is how it probably happened. The only thing that makes sense, is if someone hid in the back and waited till after we closed to do their thing. In the back where we were after we closed. Someone could have been watching us and waiting for us without us even knowing it. It gives me the chills and I am nearly in tears thinking about what could have happened that could have been extremely worse. We are so lucky to be unharmed. It turns my stomach to realize that this all happened literally right beneath my feet. I didn't even hear anything.

I hung out with my neighbors last night because we all didn't feel like being alone. I could barely sleep, awakening with every odd noise I heard. I've always felt safe around here, nearly everyone I encounter I recognize or know someone who knows them. I always love Newark around the holidays - the town is always in high spirits and everything looks so nice. But its hard to enjoy that now.

I just feel so uncomfortable. I don't know how long we were being watched, I don't know if I had looked at the robber at one point, I may even know this person, so much more could have happened, why us and why at this time? I'm afraid. I'm nervous to go up to my apartment at night, and even more afraid to go to my car, which is parked right next to the door in question.

This is the kind of thing that you expect to happen to someone else...but to everyone else, you are someone else.